One of my favorite things to do is surprise people with willingness to help and support. To offer help in an area where I know the person needs support and has a hard time asking for it. What stops me at times are 2 things
1. Being afraid that they will then EXPECT that of me all the time and I will be over-committed.I can give more when I release myself from the pressure of that expectation and give myself the right to say ‘No’ at anytime after that. I wonder if this holds other people back from giving sometimes too?
2. When I offer that level of support I also have to let go that helping people freely when they need it doesn’t guarantee they will be there when YOU need it. So I do as much as I can until I feel a resistance within myself. I often reflect how many people have their cause they want support on but how we also want support on our stuff. It’s truly an art that I am still mastering.
When was the last time you surprised someone with your willingness? Without asking to be paid for ‘coaching’ or your ‘webinar series’? Today – see if you can put your concerns of not being reciprocated and let go of the fear that you will become over-committed aside for 5 minutes. Take 5 minutes to give even just 1 honest opinion/feedback – admit that thing that you haven’t wanted to admit, say that thing that is rolling around in the back of your mind or heart.
To illustrate: I was recently approached online from someone I don’t know to go on a date. After a little chit chat I could feel that he was so lonely. Instead of being turned-off or pushing him away with some retort I just wrote “Why are you so lonely?” He was surprised but delighted because indeed this was true. Playfully he writes “Who asks people that the first time they talk?” I said, “The question is: who has time to waste?… that should be the norm – not pretending we don’t sense things.” From that place we could have a more meaningful conversation
Of course there is always the risk of being inaccurate in what we sense – but that’s the risk of authenticity – the unwillingness to live life on the surface any longer.