Future Ready Co-Living Communities Initiative

 San Diego Future-Ready CoLiving Communities Initiative

November 28, 2013 at 9:36am

 “Despite current ads and slogans, the world doesn’t change one person at a time. It changes as networks of relationships form among people who discover they share a common cause and vision of what’s possible.”
— Margaret Wheatley and Deborah Frieze

My status update from November 27th seemed to spark something for people. This note is meant to expand and circulate the energy around creating a Future-Ready Co-Living Community in San Diego which started with a desire for:

” a co-housing setup with social entrepreneurs, futurists, hacktivists, progressive scientists, culture makers, and influencers who collectively and individually work on projects and partake in integral/collective insight practices…”

There is a lot of excitement around developing not just one but many  flavors of intentional community in San Diego and all over the world – it seems the time has come to move forward.

The landscape is prime for people to participate in the creation of these communities on a larger-scale than ever before.

  1. We have access to collaborative digital financing tools that we have never had access to before
  2. Social Media and sharing platforms allow us to communicate and share resources and tools as never before

Truly there are a multitude of “flavors” of co-living arrangements. A comprehensive list can be found from Venessa Miemes – http://emergentbydesign.com/2012/01/08/93-superhero-schools-collaboratories-incubators-accelerators-hubs-for-social-tech-innovation/#sthash.0Dybxfgf.dpuf and we are familiar in this thread with the Tech-Driven communities in San Francisco: http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Tech-entrepreneurs-revive-communal-living-4988388.php

So what is the secret sauce of the ideal community? And where is San Diego in all of this?

San Diego has a wide variety of communities that emphasize and actively embrace co-living. Here are some ideas of the varieties:

  • IDEA District and Maker Quarter  (in formation) – Including all the MakerFaire Peeps
  • San Diego’s Eco-Villages:

Several people and organizations have been experimenting and working toward communal living for many years and I’d like to acknowledge those efforts in our region, these include: Activated Villages and Emerald Village , Treekaya – part of the Transition Towns movement, LeCase EcoVillage, San Diego Eco-Village, Blue Sky Ranch and a new initiative called Boulder Gardens

  • San Diego’s Spiritual Community, affectionately called ‘The Community’ – this is a 1,000+ person community.

There are various home names: Bouncing Buddha, Moonlight Oasis by the Sea, The Den, Sanctuary, Fire Garden, Aum Dome, SkyPad, Ignite, Fusion Room, Whisper House and more…

In my time spent in the community  I’ve noticed an exquisite emphasis on relational practices and systems of influence (perhaps due in part to the confluent rise with Internet Marketers in our region). There’s no shortage of co-creation and collaborative endeavors between people!

In thinking deeply about the strengths of the community  and what it is that limits the potential of what such a powerfully connected community can be and achieve together a key differentiator of the co-living ideologies of the past and the ‘social labs’ being created can be summed up in this quote from Embassy Co-Founder Jessy Kate Schingler:

“We’re not trying to build isolationist, internally focused communes out in the middle of nowhere; we’re rebuilding cities”

I think this quality can come from one Key shift – the shift to seeing oneself as a Global Citizen.

What are the qualities of Future-Ready Co-Living Communities?

No matter what your personal “flavor” of communal living – be it eco-village, urban, spiritual, tech etc. there are a few keys that Future-Ready Co-Living Communities have in common:

  • A commitment to the betterment of humanity and a recognition of each member as a global citizen
  • Built-in self-supporting industries that makes the old system obsolete over time
  • Radical Opennness
  • A system of influence
  • The ability to improve living standards for everyone (Jacob Lucas-Schwartz)
  • A community of practice – Meg Wheatley article http://margaretwheatley.com/articles/using-emergence.pdf  (c/o Sheri Herndon)
  • A plan to move toward off-grid power and self-reliance
  • Shared communication networks

I’d like to pose a question to members of the community:

How do we create more engagement with the wider community and leverage our strengths in service of these Future-Ready Community ideals? How do we move toward a Future-Ready Community as a collective? What types of relational practices can we foster to bring out these qualities? Are these even the right questions?

Now for the all important question.

Why?

I alluded to a tool I’m developing… it’s a predictive analytics model to forecast the future career landscape based on emerging technologies to help people move through the economic transition. This project came out of one question. “HOW will this economic transition take place?”

Let this idea sink in: “We are creating technologies that could potentially displace the very consumer market that would purchase those technologies”

The next steps for this plan are being developed. Investors and Real Estate Developers are ready to support us in making this a reality. Money is not an object in this endeavor.

*Anyone who shares this note will be added to a group for early-adopters of Future-Ready CoLiving Communities*

The purpose of this group will be to:

  • Share resources about developing intentional communities
  • Strategize
  • Liaison with other intentional community groups

It’s clear we are ready for this.

When you share this note mention the name of the co-living space where you currently live (if you live in one) and let us know ONE thing… what’s your flavor?

If I have missed anyone that should be tagged, please tag them. If you want to email me personally you can reach me at mirona@ucla.edu

Resources:

View the Original Post Here: 

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I have to feel free! They keep trying to tie me down but it’s all about the S – super smart, successful, and spiritual. And don’t go asking “what do you mean by…?” I know what it means and I’m totally committed to it. Anything else feels forced.

What does it say about our society that when a man is “friend zoned” – it is somehow equated with him being less of a man?

A common complaint of men is that women lead them on. It’s painful when men don’t want to be friends with us because we don’t want anything sexual/physical with them; this has contributed to the difficulty in speaking our truth. My most cherished male relationships right now are those with emotional intimacy without ANY fear of advances. Those men are my heroes. I am a strong woman – if I want a physically intimate relationship, you will know it. When I sense that a man wants physical intimacy without first wanting to know and “undress” my mind and heart I close off and my defenses go up. It makes it difficult to admit the truth/be authentic in a LOVING WAY when in defense mode and this blocks women from telling the truth because in feeling our boundaries pushed we have to go into “bitch” mode to be taken seriously, be heard, and re-establish our boundaries. Some of us don’t want to “go there” to speak our truth, because this also feels inauthentic because it’s reactive. We want to tell you with kindness what we want and don’t want. And fellas … we KNOW and SENSE when you want a physical relationship even if you say you don’t -it oozes out of you. Men don’t trust women to tell the truth – this is part of the old paradigm of “the chase” – where her saying ‘no’ actually means ‘yes.’ There is mutual responsibility here. Thank you to the men that value a woman’s honesty and authenticity more than her sexuality – you are changing our world. ♥

We cannot “get men to fight for women’s rights” without first helping them realize their own oppression. Any effort outside of this is mis-informed -Mirona Constantinescu

We cannot realize another’s oppression without first realizing our own. We don’t have the motivation to “fight for” another’s liberation until we fight for our own. Context: Sexism/Racism

Guilt

Superwoman complex

Articles cite the reasons for women’s guilt as: “not fulfilling their roles and expectations to put others first”

In my own life, this is not what I found… You see, I am not a timid woman. I have no problem asking for what I need… on an emotional level. I always prided myself that I would speak up no matter what – but it becomes a problem when action does not follow. Through learning to set boundaries I respond proactively to my needs before I get resentful or upset. This has helped me A LOT. I also don’t spend as much time explaining the REASON for my needs or wants. A lot of times, because we don’t have a good enough reason to say ‘No’, we say yes. Women are quick to give where there is a need.

More than guilt, what I have found is that:

When I have to ASK for what I want/need in materials I feel that I am actually causing my partner pain – emotional and possibly even physical. My goal is to become a woman and learn energy mastery on ALL levels.

Studies claim that women feel guilty over more immediate “smaller” issues in their lives because they feel in control of those areas and we feel guilty nearly 6 times more often than men because we take personal responsibility
But I think this issue of responsibility and “locus of  control” can be explored further.

It has been noted that it’s healthy for us to feel guilt sometimes. Guilt can show us where we have done wrong and can correct our behavior. Guilt indicates us where we are taking responsibility. When we have done wrong it’s appropriate to make an amend and “right a wrong.” But sometimes we take responsibility for how others feel when we have done nothing wrong.

This seems to be the missing piece of this discussion, it’s not just that women feel guilty when we fall short of our roles and expectations – but really because we feel RESPONSIBLE and that we, at the very least, have influence over how other people feel.

I felt guilty when I went to a Christmas festival with a date and his siblings and the festival was boring and crowded. Ineedlessly took responsibility for how they felt and experienced the event – I felt myself shrink as somehow their experience of the event meant something about me.

How to Cope:

1. Identify Guilt (Affirm feelings)

2. Ask what I can do (learn from it)

3. Watch “I should have’ language. Watch conditioned responses/goals

Sometimes I feel that nothing I do can make up for it.

Schedule ‘Me Time’ – literally put it on your calendar is non-negotiable time. Susan Carrell give “Escape Tactics for Moms”

 

Here are more resources if you find yourself in a similar predicament.

 

http://www.genconnect.com/relationships/moms-need-to-take-care-of-themselves-without-guilt/

http://more-than-a-mum.com/04/why-women-feel-guilty-all-the-time-or-at-least-once-a-day/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201201/6-reasons-you-should-spend-more-time-alone

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201202/why-you-shouldnt-feel-guilty-about-stealing-little-time-yourself

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1342075/The-guilty-time-generation-How-96-women-feel-ashamed-day.html

Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women

Just before going to a 10-day Vipassana silent retreat I took the PAX seminar “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women”…

The flavor of the course seemed like a sophisticated etiquette course… and the workshop leader seemed like an uptight sorority girl, lecturing us as we are little kids on her boundaries for an hour before the course began!b There is a huge difference between setting boundaries to control people vs.  Despite these initial impressions I came to the workshop to learn how to be more empowered in my interactions with men. I wanted to stop self-abandoning and stop giving up my power with men through feeling guilty even though I did nothing wrong or feeling responsible for their experience.

Upsides

It’s really valuable to give up this idea of men as “dysfunctional women” and just enjoy them for their own merits. To know how to ask for our needs to be met in a way that men understand, to respect, and honor men and to realize it doesn’t help them, us, or our relationships to make them feel inadequate because they have another way of listening and understanding.

Downsides

1. Stone age view of men’s emotions with ideas that “the way men are” is they don’t:

– Trust their emotions as a source of information

– They believe their identities are their values, not their emotions

3. “Posts” or values protect men’s hearts and we attack their “posts” they feel attacked. Examples used in the class of men’s “posts” – football, video games,  and beer… WOW

4. Validates men, while invalidating women; women come to the course feeling disempowered around men and that makes it difficult to jump into appreciating men.

5. Many important topics/ questions not addressed.

– Values conflict with how men “are” – what if my values like open communication, sharing emotions, and connection conflict with this idea of how men “are” (which I don’t buy)

6. Men develop Crohn’s disease and other psycho-somatic diseases from repressed emotions. How can we just accept them as not communicating their emotions when potentially they could get sick from this!

There was not enough emphasis placed on Women’s Empowerment and it made it difficult for some of us to move wholeheartedly into the oath to give up “castrating men forever”

What I learned

I can’t believe the PAX course is the  MOST progressive course we have for women to understand men. I think it undermines men, our men are capable of much much more. I recently started listening to podcasts by Robert Ohotto, the guy is great and really highlights the problem, especially this podcast