Power of Receiving

I was searching the internet for information about women’s power. One quickly developing theme for me is this idea of women’s power! As mentioned in my previous post on the Women’s Negotiation Institute – women just have to do it differently – I’m not talking about some metaphysical or pseudo-scientific idea about women possessing a special intuition or ‘womb power’. This is about the hard truth about doing business in a man’s world.

The first podcast I listened to is from ‘One Woman Marketing’ – a good insight into working with the ’12 Elements of Power’ – I found page 8 of this pdf to be very helpful. It’s about balancing your approach in every area of life to get more efficacy in every area of life. One of the areas is in ‘giving’ or in the business sense when we are pushing and driving results and balancing this activity with learning when and how to slow down and sort of … harvest the results of our efforts. The subject of ‘power of receiving’ peaked my interest because I have typically formed one-sided relationships!

I am typically the friend that listens, gives support, and feedback but generally feel like my “friends” fall short with me  -I am seeking out relationships of reciprocity and how to build these. And yes, as per my normal approach to things, I am looking at my part in it. What can I do differently to change and create new dynamics?

Here, I stumble upon Amanda Owen’s work on the ‘Power of Receiving‘ – she had some substantial insights and tips on this topic.

My take-away from her:
1. You cannot receive what you don’t value

2. There is a difference between the giver/receiver relationship (in which both people feel more bonded and intimate) and doer/taker relationship (where both people feel resentful and drained)
Many times when people give they are really just acting out of expectation of a social role not what comes from the heart or feels right.

The important points on Receptivity (as a state of being) – prepare your mind to receive the best that life has to offer!

1. Accept all compliments
– an important part of being open and receive everything

2. Be grateful

3.  Be spiritually naked- authentic and vulnerable

4. Take a complaints fast – no complaints for 30 days.

Receptivity is independent of what you think of yourself

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Focus on YOU

Focusing on him and his emotions – it’s insidious. It’s amazing how I thought I had healed but the same pattern is popping up again. We emailed back and forth – he is very responsive –  but still my mind “why isn’t he texting?” “he doesn’t like me as much anymore” “I pushed him away” “I’m too much” “I’m too needy” – This constant focus on him and his needs – this is a major issue for women. Why is it so difficult for us to keep the focus on ourselves?? Instead of wondering why isn’t he texting/calling  – the other options

1. Set a standard: Tell him I need his contact more often (but this would be putting more pressure on him which I don’t want to do)

2. Be proactive: Call or Text Him – If this were genuine this would require me to know and be in my feelings – this would require me to feel good enough from the inside out where I have a moment of joy and inspiration and can think about someone else besides my worry for just a moment!

3. Gratitude: Focus on what is good between us –

What is this constant habit of what he is doing or not doing!?? IS this a problem all women face? What are some other antidotes?

Singer/songwriter Portia Nelson, illustrating the difficulty of making changes.
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street
.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in.
It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street
.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

Steps to Freedom and Personal Empowerment

1. Who and What holds power over you?
2. What kind of power?
3. How do they hold the power over you?
4. Why do they have power over you?
5. When do they exert this power over you?
6. Why do you allow others to have power over you? (What is the reward?)
7. Does being under someone’s control make you feel safe & secure?

Passion for Change is what keeps you moving forward

Living with a sense of urgency – ambition and relationship

Every decision is a choice between love or control. I’ve strived not to make choices out of fear but I’ve made more than I care to admit. Lately I notice I’ve been living with a sense of urgency . For some reason, I have equated living with urgency as being driven by fear – but are they the same thing? As spiritual people aren’t we supposed to strive to make decisions out of love and passion instead of avoiding loss or pain?

It seems I’ve been spurred by living with urgency because my 20’s are setting quickly. It has become obvious in the context of a new love interest how ambitious and goal oriented I’ve become. I’m not satisfied to just lay in bed and stare in eachother’s eyes – not for long anyway. My LIFE is on the line! I could DIE any moment! But this is also the conundrum – by living in urgency am I pushing past these sweet moments – moments of falling in love, of falling into relationship? Or am I being fueled and driven. It’s a strange sensation to feel so pulled by something GOOD! And, it’s all because of a sense of loss. Afraid of losing myself. My life, my goals, my looks, making money for myself and my family. Not truly doing and living life how I want. How can I rest here? How can I rest and let my spirit die in this place? It’s dangerous – like falling asleep in quicksand. Sinking and sinking – I can’t let go. And I no longer think he is my life line. No man is my life line. I am my life line. Unless he is helping me and taking my hand and running then he is in quicksand too.

I’m more afraid to lose myself and never live a meaningful life than to lose him. The potential of what a mate/any mate can offer me I now see as limited. What I thought a mate could once provide I’ve given up on. I no longer believe in the rescue fantasy. I’m satisfied with a mate/husband providing the material and hopefully some emotional support and stay out of my way. I no longer need a man to define me – I want people to know me and like me for me.

Falling in love while keeping standards!

I’m in the early stages of falling in love…

One thing I have learned for really important relationships is that I want to set a good dynamic early on, show them I have respect and standards for myself, and also give them the thrill of the chase! Precisely because I am so gaga and he is falling for me too that practicing self-control is importqant

The problem is I’m finding myself being hypervigilant and trying to control – I’m wanting to know why he feels so strongly? What is it that I’m doing for him? I want to know what I fulfill so that I can be sure his feelings won’t change and I can always FEEL SAFE and know where I stand.

I find my mind trying to read what he is feeling instead of just focusing on what I am feeling. I find myself worried can I provide what he needs; am I really the woman he sees me as!? He has set this standard and maybe I’m afraid I can’t fulfill. I monitor each time I say ‘No’ to something and then give in – I hold myself accountable for this. I judge myself as weak because of it. No to sex, no to not wanting food, no to whatever. I believe this lowers his perception of me – but this is just a belief.

My girlfriend warned that can come across as insecurity.

Portal

When you’ve been pacing at the doorway of your authentic self, your most profound life- longing to be delivered– waiting for your courage to knock loud and clear– as long as I have – it’s hard to believe that anyone can offer you a portal that you haven’t already tried.

Gift of the Gods

I am a powerful woman – I need a powerful enough man to enhance and be enhanced by – he is inspired by me. He feels more. He is coming alive in ways he hasn’t been in a long time. I complete something for him. He calls me  ‘My Gift of the Gods’, Special ‘M’, Sexy, Sweetheart, Amazing. I love it all. Yet, I focus on what I want:

Lifestyle: be able to travel home to see my mom, sister, and father a couple times/year. Time to work on my projects, startup, research. Write.

Money: To fund  my startup, manicures 1 time/month, facial treatment 3 times/year, enough to feel taken care of. Travel to Romania.

Gardening, homesteading, survival preparedness and training.

Meditation and Yoga – self-care

I dont want children for another 5 years.

Women’s Negotiation Boom Boom Camp

womens institute of negotiation
On Friday I could have called in sick to work to stay home. Instead, I called in sick to attend Boom Boom camp! Otherwise known as “Women’s One-Day Negotiation Boot Camp -how to Negotiate in a Man’s World Without Compromising your Values” through the Women’s Negotiation Institute. It’s only 12-months old – but coming in strong – negotiation is a specialty within the women’s empowerment field. On the drive up I was really hesitant – I drove 2 hours, paid for gasoline, and stood through traffic to come to LA. I was hoping that this seminar would not be all sales like some others I have gone to.
I was blown away.
It was obvious from the moment Dr. Yasmin Davidds began speaking that she has compassion for her women and deep understanding of women’s roles in business. Her lessons are based in the reality of home women have been seen when they take negotiation lessons from men. Women must harness their femininity – not only because we are seen as selfish bitches if we don’t but because being a woman is awesome! Our femininity can enhance our negotiation by helping people feel safe. Men can negotiate even if people don’t like them. Women bring safety, nurturuing, collaboration, and compromise – when combined with becoming irresistibly likeable, playful, empowered, and sexy we re unstoppable!

When you find him – you will be inspired

Get the guy, Cracking the Man Code, Christian Carter etc etc. all of these tips but I truly believe once you find that man that YOU believe in- you will be INSPIRED to become the woman that you want to be! Let me tell you how it happened to me…

May 23, I thought he was just a silly boy. Probably younger than me – me more cynical than he. It was no love at first sight. His arrogance and condescending humor all too familiar growing up. He kind of annoyed me, I wanted to get under his skin. Easy not to take him seriuosly – sure he had bragging rights but he was still an immigrant – like me. I had the advantage – even simply in cultural understanding.

He invited me to go to ‘Avengers’  – but he, with confidence says, he only goes to IMAX. I said ‘No’ – he says what do you mean ‘No’? With a smile I said, you are taking me to Cinepolis!

I invited him to the wedding on Saturday – “Be there at 6:30 – we’ll have a drink and then go to the movie. Buy the tickets so it’s not sold out.”

Strike 1: Showed up in jeans.
Strike 2: I looked like a goddess, phenomenal, amazing – he said ” You look pretty”

Tipsy on Rose and feeling playful we get some chocolate covered strawberry and raspberries and go outside to the marina. We have our drinks –  a security comes over and says we can’t have our drinks out there. I turn to my man whispering with my eyes “let him walk away.”

He comments it would be great if we knew someone with a boat. I yell down to someone walking around the boats: “Hey can we check out your boat?”  “Yes sure come down!” Delighted – I tiptoe gracefully and boastfully down the ramp – as if I’m entering a stage. He says “I buy  and sell boats” I say, ” How much, $3,000?”  – “No, $3,500” –  I march around the boat as if seriously considering purchasing it. I negotiate a free night on the boat.

Cinepolis – Strike 3: hadn’t bought the tickets
2 movies, free popcorn, tickets comped, and free tickets for thenext movie.