I deserve my love, attention, and support as much as anyone. I’m being taught the value of what I offer.



It takes courage and strength to stand in truth. If we don’t practice with the small truths how can we get stronger for the big Truths? I am so grateful to have acknowledgement that EVERY voice deserves to be heard. Thank you to everyone who supported me in that. The TRUTH really does set us free and TRUTH at the Community level is even more potent!

Sorrow’s Home

There is a sorrow
that grows
as we open
to Life.

Not the dark web
of sticky unmet matters
hiding in the hips,
to the ribs
of our life-force.
Not the secret loneliness
of shallow breath
and fancy thoughts.
Not even the blatant ache
of longing
to be held
in the deepest, safest waters
of true love.

No, this Sorrow
of which I write,
to which I bow
with humble palms together,
is open
like wisdom is generous,
is clear-seeing and kind.
It has no want
for its own resolution.
It has no want
to be tamed or fixed or freed.

It’s been born
of what has broken us.
It is our death
coming now
slowly or quickly
to claim us
and everyone we love.
It is the grief that learns
to live with us,
in this place called Life.
There is no other place
for it to go, so finally
we are gracious: we say,
“Please, it’s fine. Stay awhile.”

There is a Sorrow
that grows us
as we open to Life,
as we open to love and beloved;
as we give
our singing hearts
to song, our sweat
to prayer, as we touch
the tender pulse of loss,
upon loss, upon loss.

Life is not for keeping.
No wish and no bone
will last. But to make a good
home for this Sorrow
while walking and washing,
waking and dreaming,
while laughing and lifting
the sun, one more day, for Love:
This is a true life loosened,
a true life learned,
a true life offered
to all that comes
and goes
and comes again.

I have to feel free! They keep trying to tie me down but it’s all about the S – super smart, successful, and spiritual. And don’t go asking “what do you mean by…?” I know what it means and I’m totally committed to it. Anything else feels forced.

My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you…. What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language.”

I began to ask each time: “What’s the worst that could happen to me if I tell this truth?” Unlike women in other countries, our breaking silence is unlikely to have us jailed, “disappeared” or run off the road at night. Our speaking out will irritate some people, get us called bitchy or hypersensitive and disrupt some dinner parties. And then our speaking out will permit other women to speak, until laws are changed and lives are saved and the world is altered forever.

Next time, ask: What’s the worst that will happen? Then push yourself a little further than you dare. Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end.

And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.”
― Audre Lorde

This is going to take real work, which is why so many men resist it. It requires destabilizing your own identity, and giving up attitudes and behaviors from which you’re used to deriving power, likely before you learn how to derive power from other, more just and productive places. There are real risks for men who challenge toxic masculinity, from social shaming to actual “don’t’ be a fag” violence—punishments that won’t ease until many, many men take the plunge. But there are great rewards to be had, too, beyond stopping rape. Toxic masculinity is damaging to men, too, positing them as stoic sex-and-violence machines with allergies to tenderness, playfulness, and vulnerability. A reinvented masculinity will surely give men more room to express and explore themselves without shame or fear. (It will also, not incidentally, reduce rape against men as well, because many rapes of men are committed by other men with the intention of “feminizing”—that is, humiliating through dominance—their victim”

What does it say about our society that when a man is “friend zoned” – it is somehow equated with him being less of a man?


Humility is very powerful friends. Intense morning – (re)activated patterns. When we move on and try to carry the pain with us – it creates a vengeful energy, need to be “right”, to prove, to show – that the cause of the pain wasn’t true. We pray, “oh God, don’t let them/him/her be right, it hurts too much” These are the dynamics that try to bring the “old” into the “new”, keep us trapped in old patterns and set up the perfect conditions for us to be humbled. The choice is… Do you want LIFE to humble you the hard way or, will you stay with the pain and cut through it with a humble and vulnerable presence… and rise…. from the ashes of needing to prove: society wrong, the bullies wrong, your family wrong? I know my answer…what’s yours? With grace and ease… I rise – knowing that I AM LOVE