Articles cite the reasons for women’s guilt as: “not fulfilling their roles and expectations to put others first”
In my own life, this is not what I found… You see, I am not a timid woman. I have no problem asking for what I need… on an emotional level. I always prided myself that I would speak up no matter what – but it becomes a problem when action does not follow. Through learning to set boundaries I respond proactively to my needs before I get resentful or upset. This has helped me A LOT. I also don’t spend as much time explaining the REASON for my needs or wants. A lot of times, because we don’t have a good enough reason to say ‘No’, we say yes. Women are quick to give where there is a need.
More than guilt, what I have found is that:
When I have to ASK for what I want/need in materials I feel that I am actually causing my partner pain – emotional and possibly even physical. My goal is to become a woman and learn energy mastery on ALL levels.
Studies claim that women feel guilty over more immediate “smaller” issues in their lives because they feel in control of those areas and we feel guilty nearly 6 times more often than men because we take personal responsibility
But I think this issue of responsibility and “locus of control” can be explored further.
It has been noted that it’s healthy for us to feel guilt sometimes. Guilt can show us where we have done wrong and can correct our behavior. Guilt indicates us where we are taking responsibility. When we have done wrong it’s appropriate to make an amend and “right a wrong.” But sometimes we take responsibility for how others feel when we have done nothing wrong.
This seems to be the missing piece of this discussion, it’s not just that women feel guilty when we fall short of our roles and expectations – but really because we feel RESPONSIBLE and that we, at the very least, have influence over how other people feel.
I felt guilty when I went to a Christmas festival with a date and his siblings and the festival was boring and crowded. Ineedlessly took responsibility for how they felt and experienced the event – I felt myself shrink as somehow their experience of the event meant something about me.
How to Cope:
1. Identify Guilt (Affirm feelings)
2. Ask what I can do (learn from it)
3. Watch “I should have’ language. Watch conditioned responses/goals
Sometimes I feel that nothing I do can make up for it.
Schedule ‘Me Time’ – literally put it on your calendar is non-negotiable time. Susan Carrell give “Escape Tactics for Moms”
Here are more resources if you find yourself in a similar predicament.